Thursday, June 21, 2012

Parenting is Heart Work- Ending Discipline Times with Impact

Here we are at session #5- Ending Discipline Times with Impact.  I am so excited to share just a few things from Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller and our home group session.

In the Spring we went to a parenting seminar by Scott and Joanne and what they shared about the Positive Conclusion was absolutely what we needed with our 3 year old.  In fact, we used it the day we got home.  Over the last few months we have been using this method and we have seen him learn to talk through the problems and come to a solution with our help.  It has given us a great way to reinforce our values to him and he remembers!

So here it is: Positive Conclusion
After a situation occurs and my son takes a break and he has time to calm down we ask these three questions and say this statement.

1. What did you do wrong?  (confession)
2. Why was that wrong?  (heart, behavior)
3. What are you going to do next time?  (equip)
Go ahead and try again!

Give your children a sense of hope and move forward.

Let's explore these a little bit further:

Question 1: What did you do wrong?  Helps to draw the child out, causes their heart to grow, helps them to take personal responsibility and articulate themselves.
Question 2: Why was that wrong?  Time for teaching values and behavior rules (obey, show respect, be kind), helps the child process the offense and creates dialogue.
Question 3: What are you going to do differently next time?  Talk about the right thing to do, they will be better prepared in the future, gets the info from the head to the heart and it takes patterns to change patterns.
Statement: Go ahead and try again.  Send them off on a positive note.

Benefits to the positive conclusion: teaches a mature way to process, resolves conflict, helps child think about problems and how to move in the right direction and provides the basis for a mature apology.

Here is an example of a mature apology:  It was wrong that I did _______.  I know it was wrong because _____________.  If I find myself in that situation again I will ____________.  Would you please forgive me?  (taken from the video by Scott and Joanne)

I loved this lesson most because I use it EVERY DAY!!!  I hope that you will use this and start to see a change in your child's heart to lean toward God.

Taken from  Parenting Is Heart Work.

Next time: Teaching Children to Accept No as an Answer


Annette {This Simple Home} said...

We try to do that important!

Lindsey Smith said...

Love this! So often forget it in the moment! Writing down and putting on my fridge :)