Volunteer Service

In 2014 my husband came home from work one day and handed me a little piece of paper.  It had the name of our local food bank that he drives past on the way to work and the hours it is open.  He said that he wanted to start volunteering there with our son on Saturday mornings.  So, in December 2014 right after our son turned 6 they both started going to food bank every Saturday morning. 

A few weeks ago I finally started going too!  Our daughter is now old enough to come along as well.  It has been an eye opening experience for me, but I truly wanted to find a way to serve our own community with my husband and as a family.  I think God answered my prayer! 

 

 

 

 

Today, my son and husband went to the Christmas party and my son was honored with a medal for The President's Volunteer Service Award for 100 hours of service!  He also received a signed letter from the White House from President Barak Obama!  I was SO proud.  I am not only proud of my son, but very proud of my husband as well for taking time to teach our children about serving. 

 

May you find blessing as you serve others! 

Growing Kids God's Way: Building a Healthy Family

Well, this is the last post for this series.  Let's build a healthy family!

*Build family identity.  Create an interdependent family with a circle of people facing in.
*Remember peer pressure is only as strong as family identity is weak.
*Parents need community of like-minded people.
*Who is raising your child?  Add up all the time in a week that other adults spend with your child.
*The relational goal of parenting- four phases: discipline (birth- 5 years), training (6-12 years), coaching (13-17 years), friendship (17 and up).
*Approving that which is excellent: good, better, best.  Aim for the best!

So that's it!  My next project will be to share Parenting is Heart Work with you starting in mid-April.  I hope you are learning as much about parenting as I am.  Blessings, Shonda

Growing Kids God's Way: The Appeal Process

Almost done!

The Appeal Process gives children a way to properly appeal your instruction.  This helps avoid exasperated and frustrated children.  Activating the appeal process: The child must initiate the process with "May I appeal?"  If allowed, the child must provide NEW information that parent may not have had.  It is not appropriate simply to appeal because the child does not want to obey.  The appeal must be to the parent who just gave the instruction.  Appealing is a privilege that can be lost.

After the child has demonstrated first time obedience, allow the appeal process.  Role play the appeal process with your kids.

Next week:  Building a Healthy Family

After I finish Growing Kids God's Way, I will start a new parenting series called Parenting is Heart Work.  That will start in the middle of April!

Growing Kids God's Way: Discipline Issues Part 2

This is continuation from a post I made about a year ago!  Anyway, there are several behaviors that appear in early childhood that should be handled by reinforcement training.

1. Problem: Whining- unacceptable form of communication
Solution: provide an alternative.  Only respond to your children when they use words like please and thank you, etc.  If they are whining, say "try again."

Our 2 year old son was able to understand this.  We would tell him, "You need to ask correctly."  One day he was whining and we said that and then he said, "Can I ask correctly?"  Yes, you may!

2. Problem: Temper and Frustration Tantrums- immature emotional behavior
Solution: walk away or isolate child.  Do not spank, talk or bribe, but follow up with a consequence when the child settles down.  Train your child to express emotions properly.

This has been a tough one for me.  I know that when I remain calm, my son is able to get himself under control better.  At 3 years of age now, I'm trying a new technique that I wrote about last week called Positive Conclusion.  

There are several others addressed in this chapter like Power Struggles, Dishonesty, and Siblings & Conflict.

"Loving restrictions and consistent correction are ways of communicating concretely to the child that he or she is loved. Only when children are sure that their parents care about their actions can they feel desirous of following their parents' lead."  from Growing Kid's God's Way

Next week: The Appeal Process

Growing Kids God's Way: Discipline Issues Part 1

Discipline Issues Part 1:

There is a funnel where you should parent.  If you parent outside the funnel you allow children freedoms that are not age appropriate and leads children to be "wise in their own eyes."  I already see our son doing that and we are trying to parent inside that funnel!

Three things lead to this: premature freedom in decision making, physical freedoms and verbal freedoms.  Don't allow too many choices too early.  Your child is ready for choices when they can handle not having a choice.

If your child has too many freedoms, then pull back the boundaries and reduce or eliminate choices.  Teach your child to answer this question- Do you have the freedom to...?  Which means that they have done all prior chores or commands prior to asking for a privilege.

OK, three more chapters to go!  I'll finish this summer!

Growing Kids God's Way: Repentance, Forgiveness and Restoration

This week we will discuss repentance, forgiveness and restoration. 

Repentance:
*Repentance is to turn away from and have a change of mind. 
*The doctrine of repentance must be understood in the context of relationship. 
*The object of repentance is not the sin itself, but the effect sin had on the relationship.

Forgiveness:
*Asking forgiveness doesn't mean saying "I'm sorry."
*To ask forgiveness is to acknowledge a motive of the heart.
*Example: Will you please forgive me for ______________?
*Response to someone who asks forgiveness- "Yes,"not "that's OK."

Restoration:
*Restoring the relationship closes the offense and buries it.

I hope this has given you some guidelines to think about and how to train your child in this very important skill.


Next time:  Discipline Issues part 1

Growing Kids God's Way: Consequences and Punishment

This week we will discuss maybe a controversial topic: consequences and punishment.  Remember this key principle: Punishment serves a moral purpose.  It communicates to children the value of good and evil by the weight of the punishment ascribed to the wrongful act.

Punishment is used more in the early years and natural/logical consequences are used more in the later years.  Whatever you use, pain is potential correction for foolishness.    It could be a skinned knee after falling off a bike or taking away privileges.

We want our children to take ownership of their decisions and also help them learn to make wise decisions.  Children need to learn the consequences of their choices.  It will be no different when they get out into the world.

Here are some ideas:
*Labor is a great consequence (extra chores, hard work, etc.)
*For lying some have used "sassy sauce" like vinegar or hot sauce.
*Chastisement is a common form of correction and should only be used up until 5 years of age.  (You can read more about that in the Growing Kids God's Way book)

Whatever method of punishment and consequences that you use, be consistent.  Your child will respond to parents who take the time to raise them with dignity.  Teach your child what your expectations are and follow through.  Loving your child enough to train them is the greatest gift you can give them.

Thanks for listening!

Next time: Repentance, Forgiveness and Restoration

Growing Kids God's Way: Discipline with Correction

This week we will learn about discipline with correction.

There is a difference between childishness and foolishness.

Think about what kind of behavior your child is exhibiting- accidental or intentional; a mistake or malicious intent?  This determines the type of correction.

With childishness, you will be admonishing which is more like teaching.

With foolishness, you need to correct this defiant behavior with verbal admonishment, action and consequential punishment.

This chapter contains far too many ideas and examples so I would suggest that you get this book or take this class.  Again, I'm just whetting your appetite with these short posts.

Next time: Consequences and Punishment.

Growing Kids God's Way: Discipline with Encouragement

This week we talk about Discipline with Encouragement!

I'm just going to highlight a few good pieces of practical information:
*Remind your children of what is expected before and event (pre-activity encouragement).  Such as, before you enter the library say, "We are going in to the library.  Today we will not play.  Mama has to drop off and pick up books.  Please stay with me.  Do you understand?"

*For older kids, you do the same thing and then ask dialogue questions so they have a firm grasp of what you expect.

*Use positive words not negative words.  Instead of, "Don't knock over your cup."  Say, "Keep your cup flat on the table."

*Reward behavior!  No, don't bribe.  Say, "Because you were good in the store today..."  not, "If you are good in the store today..."

*Rewards can be tangible and non-tangible.  Our son loves it when we praise and clap for him.  We try to catch him doing good often.

Also, one of the biggest tips I learned in the class was to teach during times of non-conflict.  Example: Today Shrade and I were sitting on a bench next to the road and I talked about safety.

So, how do you discipline with encouragement in your home?  :)

Next time: Discipline with Correction

Growing Kids God's Way: Principles of Obedience

This was probably my favorite chapter in Growing Kids.  First, Biblical discipline involves HEART training.  Obedience is essential to family government.

What is Biblical obedience?
*It is to be immediate
*It is to be complete
*Without challenge
*Without complaint

Don't become a threatening, repeating or bribing parent!

But how?  Use some aids.  This is what works for us:

*Expect Yes Mom/Dad after giving an instruction
*Look child in the face

Delayed obedience is disobedience.  Is your child characterized with a heart of obedience?  We are working on that right now while our son is young so he will be a joy to have as an elementary school child and teenager, but most of all we want him to follow God's word and be obedient to Him!  It starts in the home!

Next time: Discipline with Encouragement

Growing Kids God's Way: Respect for Peers, Property and Nature

This week we will talk about respect for peers, property and nature.

*Peers
-love your neighbor as yourself (quoted several times in the Bible)
-no unkind speech
- be happy when something good happens to another person
-respect others' property

*Property
-main point: the object of respect is not the property itself, but the owner

*Nature
-God made it

These are just the very basic points and I hope it encourages you to look further into this class.  Next week: Principles of Obedience.

Growing Kids God's Way: Respect for Age

This week we discussed respect for age.  There are specific commands in the Bible concerning this like in Leviticus 19:32 it says to "honor the aged one."  So go back to the basics and teach your children to offer their seat to the elderly, open the door and honor age at buffet lines.  What a world of difference that would make and in doing so, honor God!

One of my favorite aspects of this lesson was teaching the "interrupt rule."  Basically, instead of interrupting, you teach your child to be patient.  I don't want to give away the rule since it is a fun part of the class to learn, but read the book and find out more!

And last, what happened to Mr. and Mrs.?  This is a debatable question and one that you need to decide in your own home, but we want our son to honor age by calling other adults by Mr. and Mrs.  Age has not made us equal and it teaches the children to have honor for those who are older.  Let me know your thoughts on this.  I'm open to differing opinions.  Both my husband and I grew up in this way and we would like to teach our son to address adults as Mr. and Mrs.

Next week: Respect for Peers, Property and Nature

Growing Kids God's Way: Respect for Authority and Parents

We are in week 6 which begins a  3 part section on respecting others.  Our first stop is teaching respect for authority and parents.  There was so much information in this chapter that I'm just going to highlight three main points:

*When we train our children to respect earthly authority, we are training them to respect God.

*When children are young, we lead them by authority, when they grow into teens we lead them influence.

*Character is the outward reflection of the inner man.

It's not too late to teach your children to respect authority.  As we move further into this class, I will be sharing some practical ways to many of these foundations that I have posted so far.  Thanks for listening.  Next week: Respect for Age.

Growing Kids God's Way: Your Child's Conscience

We are now on session 5 of our study in Growing Kids God's Way.  I love how this class starts with foundational principles before it conquers the practical ones.  It gives the basis for why we teach what we teach to our kids.

I am going to be very brief in this post, but your child's conscience is their heart.  It warns you when you are about to do wrong, and it accuses you through guilt.  On the positive side, it prompts you to do right and confirms when you do.

The goal for you as a parent is to train your child to use their conscience to guide them.  You move from prohibitive training in the early years to positive training starting at about 3 years old.  Over and over our class teachers tell us that to teach in times of non-conflict.  This helps to build the moral warehouse (previous lesson).

Ask yourself this question: Who is shaping my child's heart?  Let it be you and not the world!

Next week: Respect for Authority and Parents

Growing Kids God's Way: The Father's Mandate

We just finished week 4 of our class which focused on the father's mandate.  These are also beneficial for the mother to follow, but since the father is the head of the home and the spiritual leader, he is the one to set the example for the family.

Dr. Ezzo set forth 8 mandates that were critical for fathers.  I am only going to highlight a few.

First of all, the main goal is for the children to learn to trust their parents.  The way you do this is by spending quality and quantity of time.  This is not a checklist to mark off, but a building of relationship.

Second, the fathers must be the encouragers of the family.  "Go team Knowlton!"  Come up with a family verse and say to your kids during times of training in values, "We are the Knowlton's (your last name) and this is what we do and this is why we do it."

And one of the most important lessons is for fathers to guard their tone and their tongue with their children.

These are just a few ways to for your children to gain trust in you as little ones so as they grow older, they hopefully will be comfortable with you to share those deep things!

There were several others, but you'll just have to read the material for yourself to get the whole picture, or find a class in your area.

Next week: Your Child's Conscience

Growing Kids God's Way: Touchpoints of Love

I have really been enjoying our Growing Kids God's Way class.  I hope that you are getting a few tidbits of wisdom as I present this series for the next several months.

This last week we learned about Touchpoints of Love which are actually called Love Languages.  Gary Chapman wrote a wonderful book called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.  There is also a children's version: The Five Love Languages of Children.  These books are worth reading.

The key point in this lesson is: Everyday we choose to love and everyday we choose not to love.

The 5 Touchpoints of Love are:
1. Encouraging Words
2. Acts of Service
3. Gift giving
4. Quality Time
5. Physical touch and closeness

You can take a little test to see what your primary touchpoint of love is and your child can do the same.  This is so crucial to know the best way that your child feels loved.  I know that in my marriage, that I love my husband best when I love him in the way that touches his heart.

Next week: The Father's Mandate

Growing Kids God's Way: Right Beginnings

  Last week I shared with you about How to Raise a Moral Child.  This week we learned about Right Beginnings.

What was the very first human relationship in the Bible?  That's right, the husband-wife relationship.  That is the first priority relationship in the family.  When you add children, you extend the family.  So how do you maintain the marriage as you become parents?  One concept is to develop "couch time."  This is about 15 minutes every week night after dad/mom come home from work where the couple sits on the couch or somewhere in the main family area and has some connection time.  The children are allowed to be in the vicinity, but may not participate in the discussion.  This concept is highly crucial for your kids to know the mom and dad love each other and spend time together IN FRONT of the children.

So, practice some "couch time" in your home and tell me how it goes.  Our son was not too happy not to be the center of attention, but I know that as we keep doing this he will learn to respect our boundaries and see that the marriage is most important.

Hope you enjoy this series and it whets your appetite!  Next week: Touchpoints of Love.  Blessings, Shonda

Growing Kids God's Way: How to Raise a Moral Child

I am SO excited to be sharing this fabulous parenting class that my husband and I are taking right now with you this Fall.  I took Growing Kids God's Way when I was a first year teacher and I still remember some of the principles.  Now that I am a parent, I am even more eager to learn how to be a godly parent and lead my child to Him.  We are taking this class at our church for 18 weeks so I will be sharing bits and pieces that we learn each week.  If this information peaks your interest, then I encourage you to find a class in your area and take it as soon as you can.  The world that we are raising our children in is ugly and the only choice we have is to lead our children in God's Way!

Session One: How to Raise a Moral Child
*Deuteronomy 6: 4-7- moral training starts with the PARENTS!!
*beginning at age 3 teach the moral "why", not only do children need to know how to things right, they need to know why
*Train in periods of non-conflict
*put the moral principles in the heart

This is just a basic view of what we are studying, but I hope it gives you something to chew on. Next week: Right Beginnings. Blessings, Shonda