Thursday, July 19, 2012

Parenting is Heart Work: Teaching Children to Accept No as an Answer

Here we are at session #6- Teaching Children to Accept No as an Answer.  I am so excited to share just a few things from Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller and our home group session.

Don't you just get frustrated when you say "No" to your child and it ends up in a  downward spiraling argument?  My son is really good at creating "spirited discussions."  Here are a few tips on how to help your child accept No as an answer.

Heart Issues for Children Who Can't Accept No as an Answer:
  • Children need to learn to live within limits.
  • Disappointment provides an opportunity to grieve.
  • Children can learn contentment.
  • Ambition doesn't justify demandingness.
Contentment is being grateful for what you have instead of complaining about what you don't have.
You need to teach your child to balance perseverance.  They need to know when it is appropriate to let go or press on.

3 Demandingness Symptoms:
  1. Arguing- this happens when parents start giving reasons why and kids bring new facts.  The best thing to do is get the complete proposal and think before giving your answer.  Also emphasize that the way they treat you is important.  Help them understand the difference between the issue and the process (how we treat others). 
  2. Badgering- This feels like you are being hammered by a woodpecker!  We tend to encourage badgering.  Show them the line that they are not to cross and give them only one opportunity to appeal.  Badgering is rude.  Help your child understand social behaviors.
  3. Whining- Children are very successful with this.  Do not allow it!
Develop a Plan to Teach Contentment: 
  • Look for ways to help decrease emotional investment.  
  • Use scale of 1-10 to lower intensity.
  • Teach the difference between demand, desire and wish.  
  • Encourage them to bring requests in the planning stage.  

Philippians 4:13

New Living Translation (NLT)
" For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."

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